I have come to the realization after an entire year in virtual classroom purgatory that:

1. This is no way to teach
2. This is no way to teach
3. This is no way to teach
4. I hate teaching this way
5. This is no way to teach

Today, I told my students that my heart was breaking. They were surprised that I got as emotional as I did. Even in this virtual hell, they are still able to see and hear the catch in my voice and the sad expression on my face, and today the sadness spilled over more than I wanted it to.

As I tried to explain myself, I found myself crystallizing my heartbreak into one simple phrase.

“My heart is breaking because you won’t let me help you”

Like every first responder…like ER nurses… like animal rescuers…social workers…public defenders…free clinic doctors…homeless shelter staff…and all those other selfless people out there…teachers are in the business of helping other creatures. It is the sole reason we do what we do. We want to help…whenever…however we can.

It is what I want on my tombstone…”Hope I was helpful”

This virtual reality has robbed me of my reason. I cannot see what the students are doing. I can only see what they allow on camera, often only ceiling fans, baseball caps, bed head and curtains. Most of the time I am speaking to myself. I can only hope that someone is listening. It does not snap, crackle and pop the way my classroom always has. I am in a vacuum…I am in space and no one can hear me scream.